TITLE: A-Relationship problem
LETTER NUMBER: 199017
YOUR ORIGINAL QUESTION: Hi,
My husband and I we got married 2 months ago!
but its about one month that my husband left home the story is that:
after our marriage he sold all our gold gifts for paying our wedding party without telling me I was so angry and I said to him y you didn't ask, He said why should I have your permission to do that our not I said I am your wife!! ( I talked to his mom before and she said to me she will talk to him so he did that without telling me)!
Then we came to France where my husband live , my family gave us some dollars cause I am living in Canada. He asked me to give him money when we was in Champes elysée I said I have no more saving in Canada I need that money to pay my university fee and I need that to pay back my credit cards.
He was so angry and he said the bad words to me he pressed my hand badly and put me away and left me in Champe elysée at 23 O'clock!!
I asked my mom what to do she said return to your home and be kind to your husband. So I returned home and I bought cakes next day and we got friend!
Next time I was in voice chatting with him , his father called him I was listening to them suddenly he make the voice off I said y you did that he said that is business and think that I am at my office (he is student actually) I said but I am your wife you shouldn't do that !
He didn't talk to me after that till now!
He came to canada 3 weeks ago and he gave me all my staffs that I put at his home in France and he said I am coming for divorce ! I said y?? what is your problems when he talked all were the childish problems!!
I said don't do that! He said I can't I cried , I kissed him , he doesn't care about me any more! I went to his hotel 2 times but no answer I cried nothing!!
And he put me out from his hotel!!
And now he is still in Canada living in hotel and he had money for doing all of these staying in hotel buying first class ticket but when he is with me he doesn't have money!
What should I do? He was so in love with me before marriage but after marriage he has changed a lot! He listens a lot to his mom, dad , his brother!
please tell me what should I do ?!
ELDER RESPONSE: I am sorry this has happened to you, Azi.
I'm guessing that you may be from a culture where the man is the "ruler" and the woman must always obey him. We Elders are mostly based in the U.S., and we are not too familiar with other cultures. So, I can only give you advice based on what we would do in this country.
It appears to me that he may have had ulterior motives for marrying you or that the marriage could have been arranged. In either case, in my opinion, it would be in your best interest to get out of this marriage. If you were my granddaughter, this is what I would suggest that you do.
I say this because you deserve better. You may want the marriage to work but it takes two people to make a marriage work. You can't make it work all by yourself. After being married to this man for only one month, he has behaved very badly. You must ask yourself if you are better off with him or without him. You should be glad there are no children involved. I would suggest that you get the marriage annulled or get a divorce. Of course, I am not an attorney and I can't give you legal advice but I think it would be in your best interest to speak to an attorney as soon as possible.
You are, obviously, not happy, and you won't be as long as he behaves this way. You cannot control his behavior. You can only control the way you react to his behavior. Your letter did not say WHY he has behaved this way and he hasn't offered you any explanation, so what other choice do you have? You will either be miserable with this guy or you'll get out of this marriage and move on with your life. I hope you'll do what's best for Azi.
Best Regards,
Helen
ElderWisdomCircle.com
